Yes, I Get Angry - A Cancer/Life Update

Do you ever have one of those week, months... maybe even years where nothing seems to go right? You do the work, you dot your i's, cross your t's, you do what you are supposed to do in life and yet, it just seems like the world is caving in around you.

Truthfully? That is how I have felt since March. I am not one for expressing my feelings so much. My fitness journey? Sure. My struggles with cancer... a little more reserved, but I will still share. What I ate for dinner that night, you know I'll share that. But my feelings? Um, not often. One of my girlfriends and I were talking about that this weekend. Her and I are both the "keep the feelings in till they explode like Mount Vesuvius" kind of people. I am like that about a lot of emotions. It's hard for me to share about that.

So a life/cancer update, here we go: I found out about two weeks ago that I was in remission! Yay! This is so exciting. It is one more hurdle that I jumped to get rid of cancer and my family and I are stoked. We feel good about it, but we also got news that in order to fully prevent it from recurring, it would be in my best interest to go through another (BIG) surgery. One that will keep me down for the count for a few weeks and will be a life changing surgery (minorly, but still...) This surgery is not needed immediately, and I want to make sure everyone knows it is not life or death, it is just preventative. I want to wait until we move and I establish a team of physicians that I trust to have it done. When you have been through the healthcare system like I have in my life, you know that this is important. Not only that but I need to find a diabetes specialist who also specializes in cancer as well.... not easy to do in any area. Here in CO, it was a 4 hour drive to Denver. In FL it will most likely be a 2 hour drive to Tampa. So there is that, but the thing that has been really on my mind and the thing that keeps me up at night and wont let me sleep and the thing that I talk about the least is the financial strain this has put on our family.

I thought I was doing really well, keeping on top of our medical bills. (I say "our" because Corey and I are essentially going through this together, there is no "I" when you're going through cancer treatments, you have to be able to lean on someone) I worked hard through 10 weeks of radiation treatment that left me sick, tired, in pain.... to be able to pay the bills as they came in. Cancer treatment is not affordable. It is awfully expensive and we have insurance. I hate money. People say that "the people that say Money Is The Root of All Evil, don't have any" and I truly believe this!  I worked - at the preschool, coaching through Beachbody, teaching Piyo - whatever I could do to bring something to the table financially I did. I put on a happy face and worked through it so I could turn around and pay the hospital every penny I made. When I was done with treatments I was excited. I had stayed on top of everything and felt like I did a good job of nipping that all in the bud. We took a celebratory cruise in February to relax, forget our stress, forget I had cancer, to unwind and just be together as a family. It was perfect.

Then I got home and looked in the mailbox. I had 5 envelopes from the Gunnison Valley Healthcare System... 5. I thought: We've only been gone for 7 days what can all of these be. My heart sank as I opened them. Bills, all bills. More bills. I felt like I was going to explode. 4,593 .... 2,041 .... 1,297 ... 1,698 ... 751 ...  Remember when I said I felt like I had done everything right and yet the world was still caving in all around me. That is how I felt. I was scared to tell Corey. He already carried such a heavy financial burden since I wasn't bringing to the table what I normally did. (I shouldn't have been scared, he is the calm one between us when it comes to things like this and he just said "you can't cry and get mad about this, what was the alternative? Not doing treatment and dying?") I just didn't know what I could do to change things. Probably nothing. I eat right, I am fit, I am active, I live in a beautiful clean air state.... but you still think of the what ifs. I could not sleep at night because all I could think was I want to buy a house, I want to pay my bills, I want to keep my credit up, I don't know what I am going to do. 

Through the lack of sleep, (due in part to the financial stuff, moreso because my feet hurt so bad from the neuropathy (another great side effect of both Diabetes and where I had radiation done) the lack of ambition to help others set in and my Beachbody business was failing, I wasn't being the leader to my awesome team I should have been, I always felt like I was letting my leader down, I was moody with everyone - from the lack of sleep, the stress... I don't know, but I do know that somewhere in there my attitude changed from this positive, encouraging person I have worked so hard to become to a stressed out and irritable and sad person. THAT is not who I am. I even feel like my temper was short with Brody and I never want to be like that. Ever. I have learned to talk about my fears and my feelings. I was telling a few ladies at my church last week, kind of joking - well if I am being really honest, not joking at all - that I had heard another BB colleague of mine, a very well-respected and successful coach in the industry say how she would scavenge in her house for things she could return to wal-mart to be able to afford food that week and I was considering doing the same thing. It was then that I was told : IT IS OK TO NEED HELP. It's OK to take help. And it is most definitely OK to talk about our struggles instead of keeping them inside. 

They put together this fundraiser for me and I didn't talk about it for over a week. I could not possibly share this. I could not tell people I was struggling. I could not let that facade down that I have been holding up. That I can do it all on my own.... So I told my sister. And she shared. Then my other sister did too. Then a few friends. SO I wanted to post an update as to what is going on so I am totally transparent and honest here. 

I love that I have had so many people there for me over the past few months. I am truly blessed to have a great support system in my family and friends. I cannot say enough thanks. 

If you want to donate, here is the link. It is truly appreciated. 

Help Leanne Kick Cancer to the Curb for Good!

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If You See Me Around Town in My PJ's ...

I have come to realize that radiation is far more comfortable when I am in the comfort of my own PJ's. Haha, no seriously. I am all about comfort these days and have decided that PJ's are the way to go!  The problem - living in a super small town: I see people everywhere I go! I cannot go to the grocery store, wal-mart, or even to get the mail without seeing someone I know everywhere! So bear with me, because if I am out and about in town in PJ's it's probably radiation day or some kind of doctor visit!

Yep - that is pretty much me! 

It's been a while since I last wrote because I have been so so so sick. I have not had the strength or energy to even write, or do anything more than what is required by my job. I did promise updates though, so I will try harder! 

In other news, I got the results back from multiple ultrasounds as well as my surgery and they are 99% sure that they got all of the cancer, so that is fantastic news, however I am still so sick - I just cannot shake the Upper Respiratory Infection I have had since 10/15! I have gotten a shot of antibiotics 3 weeks in a row, and am maybe starting to feel better, but am no where near 100%.  Getting there though. I am still teaching Piyo class (and doing Piyo almost daily) weekly and truthfully, even though I am not feeling it prior to going - I feel SO much better than I did before. I think it's the endorphin's, it's got to be! Lesson learned - even though everyone is telling me to rest and don't do too much, exercise (low impact for now) is my outlet, Piyo is my workout, and it makes me feel better so I am still going to do it!!  

So I am going to go get in another pair of glorious flannel PJ's and cuddle up to Brody and Corey now - because I actually have to get dressed for work tomorrow. 

I am not sure I remember how!

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Yep, I have Type 1 Diabetes.... Here is What You Should Know and Why Shakeology and Beachbody Helped me!

I am a Type 1 diabetic and I want you to know a few things about me as a diabetic and as a faithful Shakeology drinker. It has changed my life as a diabetic and all I want to do is reach others with T1D and help them too!!

Here are some facts about Type 1 first and foremost: 

1. Diabetics try their best to live the most normal life possible. We can do anything anyone else can. We are in a lifelong struggle to define themselves in any other way but diabetic.

2. People with Type 1 Diabetes can’t make Insulin. Insulin, in people without diabetes, is a hormone made in the pancreas. It allows glucose in the bloodstream to be converted for use in the body as energy.

3. Excess glucose in the bloodstream damages body systems and is the root of diabetic complications. Having too much, or too little glucose in the blood is dangerous and can ultimately cause death. Keeping blood glucose levels within normal levels is the ultimate goal of people with diabetes but can be affected by food, exercise, illness, stress, and a whole bunch of other annoying, unpredictable events.  

4. They are not allergic to sugar. They balance what they eat by testing their blood glucose levels and taking insulin through injections. Yes, injections and finger pricks often hurt at first but we get used to it. 

5. Type 1 Diabetes is occurs when the Islets of Langerhans (insulin-producing cells in the pancreas) are attacked by the body.

6. Nobody understands why their bodies attack themselves. They did not get diabetes from their mothers who gained too much weight during pregnancy, from eating too much sugar, from exercising infrequently or from any other known reason. Please be careful not to confuse Type 1 with Type 2 Diabetes. People with Type 1 cannot exercise away their diabetes or eat better to "cure" it. 

7. We hate it when you offer the rest of the room cake and tell them they can’t have it and offer them a diet coke instead. They know you mean well, but you make them feel alienated and inherently different. Let them refuse cake if they want to, and let them eat cake if we choose. We know more than you about what we’re living with.

8. There is no such thing as ‘having diabetes really bad’. People with Diabetes choose to take care of themselves or not, or somewhere in between. Your uncle who ‘had diabetes so bad’ chose not to take care of himself and he lost his leg or went blind as a result. That being said, even the most tightly controlled diabetes reduces life span.

9. The cost of living INSURED with type 1- for me- is anywhere between 50-150 a month. (A few months ago it was 225 a month) The cost of living uninsured with diabetes can easily be 400 dollars per month or more.

10.  Preventative healthcare and education are the ideal weapons in the fight against diabetes. 

Here's what I can tell you about being on Shakeology and having Type 1 Diabetes:

1.  Since starting Shakeology my HgbA1C level has consistently been in the 5-6 range. Before using Shakeology it was in the 9-12 range. 

2.  Since exercising daily and drinking my shakes daily I have more control over my blood sugars and see less spikes in glucose levels. 

3. My LDL (bad Cholesterol) is at 110 and my HDL (good Cholesterol) is 50. 

4. I do not get sick as often at all. Being a diabetic, this is extremely important - most times when I get sick, I get really sick and a simple cold can turn into an upper respiratory infection or pneumonia. 

5. It is low on the Glycemic Index: Which means that carbs enter the blood stream at a lower rate than foods higher on the GI.  This keeps blood sugar levels steady and allow us to use those carbs as energy more easily. Any number under 55 is considered low - Shakeology is at 24.  

Low GI diets help people loose and manage weight.

Low GI diets can increase the body's sensitivity to insulin.

Low GI carbs help improve diabetes management. 

The reduce hunger and prolong physical endurance. 

Here is an old video I did while raising money for Tour De Cure in 2008 to educate people on Type 1 diabetes. Forgive me... this was 7 years ago. 

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